Duck Duck Cougar?
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
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