Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
Randomize
