once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
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