did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
You did what with his pubic hair?
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