she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize
