the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
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The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
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Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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