textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Randomize
