you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
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