we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
This house was built for laser tag.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
Randomize
