why didn't you poke me back
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
