Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
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