god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
