I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
