I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
Randomize
