What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Randomize
