hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
