What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
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