you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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