you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
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