Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you win again, gameday.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
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