Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
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