cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
Randomize
