from now on my penis is your penis
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
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