she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
So here I am, sexting at work.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
