my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
Randomize
