Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
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