"women exchanges sex for chips" on msnbc
damn even the hoes are getting hit by this economy
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
