when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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