There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
Randomize
