I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
We left an ass print on the piano.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
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