her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
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