His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
Are my feet made of real feet?
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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