walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
They left me at home... I'm a liability
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
Randomize
