i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Randomize
