We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
I deserve this hangover.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Randomize
