super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
Randomize
