She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
Randomize
