He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
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