i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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