Non-Jews are for practice
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Randomize
