Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize