i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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