Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
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