Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
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