I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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