New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
