Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
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