make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Randomize
