Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Randomize
