This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
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