Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Randomize
