I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
Randomize
