Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Randomize
