i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Randomize
