I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Randomize
