I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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