Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Randomize
