Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
My cat gives me a boner
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
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