I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
I just googled if crying burns calories
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
