My pussy is not your playground.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
