I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
Help me help you realize you are a moron
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
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