Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
Randomize
