Can Purell be used as lube?
I think i peed on brittanys purse
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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