All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
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