ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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