I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
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