I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
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