i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
Randomize
