Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
no. you can't hotbox the world.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
Randomize
