i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
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