In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Randomize
