guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Randomize
