upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
