That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Randomize
